My DrEaMviLLe

Hmm… This weekend was a little more boring than last weekend… Saturday, I went to my friend’s belated birthday party in Subang. But I took the commuter to Batu Tiga to meet up with my friends first so we could go to Thiru’s party together. It was raining when I left my house to the KTM station. I ran from dad’s car to the station in my heels. (Seriously, I just lurv heels k… I guess I’ll never learn the lesson & I’ll still wear heels even if it kills me! Buhuhu~) I must have looked really funny as I got myself wet. I thought it was only a very short distance from the main entrance (before the parking ticket machine) and the station, but I still got wet. I got Thiru a blouse, hoped she’d like it. Last minute present, u know… Oops! I took cab to my friends’ apartment from Batu Tiga KTM station. There, they were busy applying make-up and stuff. Haha, girls… as usual with all the hassle… I was more like a Plain Jane, only had some lip colour on but my friend made me put on eye shadow since they looked so grand. I’d never seen my friends (two of them, both Indians) look so grand before, in Punjabi suit.

We reached the party at 8.05pm, I saw many KUTPM students there (Thiru & my 2 Indian friends study in KUTPM)… All of them are Indians, except one Chinese girl. I felt like an outsider there, but my 2 friends, Shasi and Priya, did introduce me to some of their coursemates. The weirdest thing was, none of them there had eaten though they’d reached earlier. They said that Thiru hadn’t cut the cake yet. But I thought, the cut-cake event should be the "grand finale" of the party right? That’s how it’s supposed to be, isn’t it? Well, at least it’s like that at all the other parties I’ve been to. I was starving and other guests (Thiru’s relatives I assumed) were eating happily. So, I told Priya and she got her friend to lead the way to the buffet table. Suddenly, the youngsters there also started to queue up for food. Aiseh, why wouldn’t they eat earlier, I wondered… It was Indian cuisine anyway. Not that I didn’t like Indian food, but I was craving for bbq chicken wings and the usual food that u’ll find at a party.

While I was eating, they held the cake-cutting ceremony and I only managed to slightly mumble the birthday song ’cause my mouth was full! (+_+) By the way, Thiru’s party was also to celebrate her nephew’s 7th birthday. So,  there was an entertainer there for the kids. He performed some magic tricks (which even I was amused at) before transforming himself into a clown. Yes, he painted his face on the spot! Thank goodness he didn’t look like a creepy clown or I think I would have run far far away! *LOL* Initially, I planned to stay overnight at Shasi’s apartment but fortunately I saw my ex-form 6 monitor, Nanthini who was gonna go back to Kajang so she gave me a lift! *Thank you soooo much Nanthini!* Or else, I would have trouble going home from Shah Alam the next day… Overall, I was glad to see my form 6 friends but was rather disappointed as I only saw five of them. I came all the way from Kajang with hopes to meet more ex-schoolmates, but it was okay, shouldn’t have such high expectations right? Oh yeah, I was also upset ’cause I didn’t even get to eat the birthday cake! We were busy talking & taking pictures and I was too shy to ask for a slice… I lurv creamy birthday cakes, too bad! *Sobs*

As for Sunday, it had been a rainy day and nothing much/special happened… I slept during the evening, for 90minutes then we went out for dinner after picking up step mom’s friend from the bus station. Then we went to Tesco, I didn’t really like to go there ’cause I wanted to avoid seeing the ex-manager who had traumatised me mentally & emotionally during the six months I worked there (in Poh Kong Tesco Kjg branch). However, dad couldn’t think of other places to go because of the rain. I did have a little chat with my ex-workmates (only two of them) as I didn’t see my bias ex-manager in the shop. When my dad went near me, my ex-colleagues greeted him and dad was telling them (in Cantonese), "Look at my daughter, she wouldn’t even come near here if the manager’s here. She even ran away when he stood here. How could she act like that? Kinda rude right?"… Well, my two workmates just smiled. Okay fine, I did run away when the unfair ex-manager suddenly popped out of nowhere but hey, why would I wanna see the person who had gave me such a hard time during work last time?! (The shop was located near the exit travellator, so one has to pass by the shop to go to the exit travellator…) My dad just wouldn’t understand what the chauvinistic manager put me me through in that six months till I had to quit ’cause I couldn’t take it anymore… *Sighs* So, that was it… My kinda-boring-weekend… If it were last Sunday, hehe, I could relive my Urban Live memories… =)

Well, suddenly I thought about a few things… I watched the repeat of Desperate Housewives season finale on 8TV last night, and the ending for Susan and Mike was so touching. If I were Susan, I wouldn’t mind not having my dream wedding as long as I’d found my dream Prince Charming, someone whom I loved and someone who loved me for me (If u watch the show, u’ll surely know what a klutz Susan is and she and Mike have been through so much!)… Pity Edie and Gabrielle though… Edie committed suicide, no idea if she died but I know it must be so devastating to see ur loved one walk away from ur life. She shouldn’t have lied to Carlos in the first place, but I bet anyone would do just anything to keep the relationship from sinking. Still I disagree that Edie lied. Hmm, Gabby on the other hand, married a man (Victor) who didn’t really love her like her ex-husband, Carlos did… I think so far, Bree is the happiest woman in the show. At least she has a very loving, understanding and caring husband, Orson. All this while, I admired Lynette and Tom, for being such a good couple until Rick came into the picture. I guess it’s completely tough to resist temptation and to preserve a marriage. I hope things like that don’t happen to me… I definitely want a long-lasting marriage and still live like newly-weds even when my husband and I are in our golden years. Haha, I’m dreaming too much I think! That dream is so far beyond reach but it’s all right, I shall leave everything to the Almighty God… If it’s meant to be, it will be…

Oh yeah, about JP a.k.a. Jonathan Putra… Seriously, I really like the name Jonathan from the start… If u ask me what’s my favourite girl’s name, I would say it’s Valerie or Veronica… =) Well, last time when JP was introduced on Channel [V], he just used the name JP. So, I thought the "J" in his name stands for Jeremy or maybe John… But I never thought that he has my favourite guy’s name! *LOL* Funny huh? Emm, one thing I don’t like about Friendster blog is that, if I press "Enter" then it will be double spacing, instead of the single spacing like in Wordpad or Microsoft Word. I can’t post the poems I’ve written here ’cause it won’t look nice with the big gap between the lines… *Sighs* My goodness, today is such a hot sunny day here at my place… But it’s good ’cause I need all the sunshine I can get to dry my denim skirt and pants (Heheh, I’m such a lazy worm I just washed them today!)… Gee, tomorrow’s Saturday and I don’t really like weekends… Plain boring! Unless I get to go out and have fun… So far, no plans yet… But I’m in the midst of arranging a plan with my friend, so hopefully she’ll be able to make it! *Keeps fingers crossed*

If u haven’t noticed yet… I really have a thing for PINK (and its family of similar colours)! That’s why I’m gonna make today’s blog all in pink (soft pink, dark pink & fuchsia)! =p  I just updated the media box on my Friendster profile… I put the song, I Must Not Chase The Boys by Tata Young! Actually, I knew she had this song title on her latest album, Temperature Rising but I never had the chance to listen to it. And since my step mom’s out today, I can go online in the afternoon. I felt bored and I started searching for songs on imeem.com so I listened to this song and it’s not bad at all… Plus, I really liked the lyrics! Listen to it and u’ll know how I feel… I admit, I did make the first move before… However, I’ve since vowed that I wouldn’t do it ever again… I better stick to the tradition of guys making the first move! No pun intended, just that things didn’t go so well previously and I don’t wish to humiliate myself AGAIN! Need to save what’s left of my dignity… (+_+)" I guess that’s all for this time… Gotta continue my chores… Good day everyone~

                           ~~PINK COLOUR RULEZ~~

All right, first of all, I never want to post any blog about my step mom and how I feel about her all, as I’m afraid her daughter, meaning my step sis, would read my blog and tell her mother about it… (If u are indeed reading this LYY, don’t u dare tell ur mom or I swear I’ll never talk to u ever again!) Well, this time I just need to let out how I feel. I have enough of keeping things to myself. If I continue to bottle up, I’m gonna explode, literally! I don’t care if my step sis is gonna read this, but if she tells to her mom… That’s it! ‘Cause it happened before… I told her something and she went and told her mom (my step mom) about it and step mom told my relatives and the word had been passed around. I just don’t want to hear anything bad about me from my relatives telling that my step mom complained about me! It’s almost 4 or 5 years now since step mom entered my family and my life! And from day one itself, I’m always worried that my nightmare would come true- I grew up with fairytales, and u know how step mothers are in those stories… Okay, I won’t go in detail on what has happened in these few years but it’s enough to convince me that I do have an issue with step mom somehow. (Trust me, u won’t wanna know every single thing of what really happened in my family after the existence of my step mom!) And that’s another reason why I hate to be the eldest. It seems as if the eldest of the family will usually have issues with his/her step mother. It’s true, no doubt.

Plus lately, step mom’s been "attacking" my younger sister. "Attacking" as in always admonishing her, complaining about her, finding fault and all (u know what I mean)… Previously, I was the obvious target. So, why the change? Not that she doesn’t "attack" me anymore. Anyway, my younger brother is always the lucky one. Step mom hardly talks bad about him. And my dad, ugh, with his really old-fashioned mind, thinking that ONLY GIRLS should handle the housework. Duh, haven’t dad heard about house husband who does chores at home while the wife works? (I definitely won’t mind having a house husband in the future! I never think a male becoming a house husband is sissy in any ways!) With the added "benefit" of being the eldest, I get the blame & responsibility for everything! Tell u what, it’s getting more and more ridiculous! No matter how good I am or what I do, it’s never good enough… So what now? My step mother has issues with girls is it? I think she certainly has issues with daughters. Hello, she has a daughter of her own!! Oh, so, maybe that’s the reason why she can’t get along with daughters? Only God knows… and she herself too!

What annoyed me until I finally decided to put this on my blog is that, this morning, I woke up to see that my drawers had been moved out and some of my stuff (not in the drawers one) were on the floor. Step mom nagged about my stuff before but she didn’t have to go till the extreme of simply moving out my stuff right? For crying out loud, I know she’s a neat freak but I’m a big girl k!? So, I spent my morning packing my stuff without even having breakfast first but I didn’t care. I was just exasperated and I already had this sore throat from yesterday! *Urgh!* I was just upset, I knew I had a lot of stuff, but I already had plans to do spring cleaning k. I knew she meant good intentions, but her method was wrong. Didn’t have to mess with my stuff right? And what’s worse, I got flu because of the dust and I broke my nail! Also, I had to throw away a lot of stuff that I’d been collecting, or else I knew my stuff would remain that many! *Sobs* Well, basically, I never said step mom’s evil or bad or that she abuses me or what-so-ever, she still does what a housewife does and more importantly, I respect her as my father’s wife! It’s just that, most times, I can’t stand living in this house listening to her complaining about this and that. Or when my aunties tell me bad things about me that they said my step mom told. Why would she downgrade me like that? It just hurt so much more ’cause dad never defended for me… Had he forgotten that I’m his daughter? So, says who that blood is thicker than water? Absolutely NOT TRUE! Besides, I always defended my step mom whenever my aunts or neighbours talk bad about her. After all, she is still my step mother and she does take care of me although she’ll never replace my mother in my heart, not ever! Moreover, I just don’t want people to think of my dad like, "What kind of woman did he marry?" (U get what I mean, I hope…)

I just miss my mom so bad… I miss her like crazy that sometimes I think of taking the easy way out so that I can turn into a ghost and maybe I’ll get to see her spirit then! I know that if my mom’s still alive today, I’ll be a very happy young adult. Okay, maybe not this mature, but who cares ’cause my mom would always be there for me? Losing my mom who is my pillar of support & strength is like losing half of who I am… I guess, I’ll just have to be all the more determined to plan my future and leave this house to have my own life outside my family! Will someone just get me out of here??! *Sighs* Dear God, I still don’t understand why You took my mom away…? Seven years now and I still haven’t found the answer… Please guide me to please everyone without neglecting my own happiness and to make my family love & respect me…

As for my title… I came up with it when I thought of The British Invasion in the U.S. entertainment industry… U heard about The Beatles all, right? So in my case, I changed it to "The Step Mom Invasion"… Now I feel much better after releasing part of my misery… What is a blog for right? Hmm…

Well… If u ask me why I put that as the title… I have very very good reasons! Anyway, from now on, I’ve decided to blog as often as possible! Whatever or however I feel, I’ll make sure it’s posted on my blog… I seldom write diary nowadays. So, I think blogging would be the best option to release my feelings instead of bottling up! Ok now back to the main story… Why I never wanted to be a big sis, to be the eldest in my family?

Let me tell u why:

1) I don’t feel like my siblings (18 year old brother & 13 year old sister) respect me enough as their big sis. No matter how much I’ve sacrificed for them, they still treat me worse than dirt. I don’t think I deserve to be treated like crap ’cause I really care for them. Why can’t they see that I just want the best for them?

2) I have to be responsible for everything! I have to take the blame & responsibility when something goes wrong, even though it’s not my fault! I’m sick of being accused all the time. For crying out loud, I’m just a normal human being trying to survive myself in this cruel world! Why can’t my dad see that? Why put so much burden on me just because I am born the eldest?

3) Since my mom passed away in year 2000, dad and I had problems communicating. Being the eldest in the family just makes things even worse. I tried to talk to dad about the problems that I see in my family and nobody ever takes me seriously. Ok, enough with underestimating me! Why wouldn’t anyone in this family just listen to me? I have feelings too, u know?!

4) What’s the point of having an older step sister (She’s 26 this year) if dad still sees and treats me as the eldest in this family? That means, I still have to take the blames & responsibilities and not forgetting, looking after my ungrateful so-called siblings!! They are so disrespectful to me, sometimes they drive me crazy and make me almost taking the easy way out ’cause I’ve had it as the eldest!

5) I don’t wanna hear anymore, "Pui Ling, u are the eldest, u are supposed to guide and look after ur brother and sister"… or "Pui Ling, why u can’t take good care of ur siblings wan?"… "Pui Ling this, Pui Ling that"…!! So, people (not only dad, my relatives as well) come to me when there are problems with my siblings. Then, who am I supposed to turn to when I myself have problems? Why can’t they see? I can barely take care of my own self and manage my miserable life, let alone look after two disrespectful brats! I wonder what kids learn for Moral these days~

6) The best example, like today, when there’s something wrong with the modem… I have to do everything by myself, while that two brats ignore my plea to help me out. I can’t stand it anymore! My bro who is only 3 years younger than me should be sharing my burden, especially if he’s related to it. Instead, he just lets me solve the problem alone and blames younger sis for what happened. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe how selfish he is! It’s a long story, but I don’t think I have enough time or space to fill in everything here.

Whatever it is, I just learned something really important today. I am cursed as the eldest. It’s what I have to endure as the eldest in this dysfunctional family. Dad will never understand how I really feel. My siblings will always be so ungrateful, selfish and disrespectful. Not to mention my step mom… Ok, I think, there are some things that shouldn’t be revealed in my blog, so let it be… I’m just sick of being the eldest now! I never wished or wanted to be the eldest if this is how I end up feeling- HURT… and never-ending pain! It’s ok, I handled everything myself from the beginning. Fine, I’ll just solve any problem myself, no need to rely on my so-called siblings, especially the self-centred brother! What to do? I am the black sheep of my family! It’s ok, I’ll just solve the modem prob myself, just like how I handled the printer prob, computer, internet, etc etc etc… And all my siblings have to do is, have fun when they can! But when problems arise, they just run away and back off! Bila masa bersuka, oh, semua gembira, happily go online… Bila timbul masalah, masing-masing tak nak cuba selesaikan, padahal mereka pun ada tanggungjawab! Urgh!! It’s all right, I’m gonna be strong so that they can continue to depend on me and still won’t show me respect… It’s okay, I’ve been used all my life, why should I even be bothered right?! Anyhow, deep inside me, I just wish that, someday dad will understand my feelings and that I can finally have back the happy family that I once had… That is why I can’t wait to have a family of my own- with my hubby & kids… I lost my blissful family when mom passed away, 7 years ago… Till now, I don’t understand why God took her away from me, but I guess, I just have to face the fact that it happened and that everything happens for a reason, although I’ll never understand why I was born as the eldest! Mom, I wished u were still here with me… I miss u… When can I see u again? Please give ur daughter (me), strength to face her family… Somehow, I had to be "mothering" my siblings after mom’s demise… When will my life ever get better?? *Sighs* =’(

Oh my gosh… I’ll never believe I made myself go to Urban Live @ KLCC organised by NTV7… Thankfully I was determined enough to go even though I was disappointed my other siblings and friends didn’t wanna join me, I only went with my step sis… I’d been dying to go and since this time it was at KLCC, I thought, "Why not?"… Well, it started off a bad day ’cause I found out I had my monthly thing when I already reached KLCC (fortunately, I was all prepared =p)… What a downer! But I tried not to let that ruin my spirit for having fun yesterday. I reached there around 1.15pm and met up with my step sis. Whoa, it had been a long time since I last went to KLCC (It’s not exactly my fave shopping spot)! When we reached the middle concourse area, it was the fashion show and it ended 2 minutes after I was there. Then, I saw hosts JP and Hanson (not very sure of the spelling though, hehe!) talking on the stage. Not long after that, the fun began (well, I kinda missed out on some of the earlier activities- especially Doraemon’s appearance for first round). There was the appearances by Star Idol contestants (all 14 of them) and the contestants joined in some games participated by the audiences. I was still too scared to get on stage then, stage-fright u know?! Apart from that, I had a good time laughing when the hosts of Asam Garam, Dee and Adibah Noor went on stage. Adibah Noor sang and her voice was really nice! And the coolest one, the Deal Or No Deal game, hosted by its game show host of course, Goh Wee Ping. Well, I do watch the show on NTV7 on Monday and Tuesday, at 7pm… From the original 26 beauties, it was scaled down to 5 beauties only and the amount of prize money in all 5 briefcases was RM1, RM10, RM30, RM50 and RM100. Three audiences would go onto the stage and the one who answered two questions would proceed to play the game. I wanted to participate but still, I didn’t have the courage to do so. After three rounds, Deal Or No Deal game ended. When it was some artistes’ turn to perform, step sis and I went to have lunch at A & W. I absolutely lurvvvv the rootbeer float! Yummy yummy~ =)

Next, we went to Watson’s and I bought lip balm, mascara and lip stick (promotion ma)… Then, we just walked around and we entered Isetan. We headed straight for the lingerie department and I managed to buy some new colourful lingerie (^.^) at last! *LOL* Who would have thought I finally did my lingerie shopping (in KLCC pulak tu) and it was finally off my to-do list! When it was approaching 6pm, we headed back to the Urban Live concourse area ’cause Doraemon was gonna make an appearance again! (What?? I admit I’m a big girl who still likes Doraemon! Heh!) While waiting, I saw kids with the purple Urban Live balloons and I wanted one too! So, my step sis tried to get one but couldn’t until the fifth round of balloons giveaway! Haha, so difficult for her to fight with the kids and their vicious parents! When Doraemon appeared, I was like a 5-year-old-kid, all joyful and excited! The hosts said we could queue up to go on the stage to take pictures with Doraemon. After a long thought, I went to queue up and my step sis helped to snap the picture. Imagine that mostly kids went on stage and some staff nearby the queue also said, "Eh, a big girl la!" when they saw me in the line! *LOL* The hosts of the event, JP & Hanson were standing at the side of the stage and when it was almost my turn, JP said something to me but I couldn’t hear it. Anyway, I finally braved myself to ask him if he would join me in taking pic with Doraemon. He seemed surprised and said, "Me??" I said, "Yeah, come on"… His co-host also joined in. I handed my phone to a staff to take the pic ’cause scared step sis couldn’t snap the pic clearly (sis, if u are reading this, no offence yeah? +_+) as her hands might be shaking! Too bad I could only be on the stage with Doraemon for a very short while. When I saw the pics, they were ok, but not so clear. So, when I spotted JP nearby the stage, I asked him if I could take another pic with him (He’s cute alright, but it wasn’t the first time I saw him. I saw him before on tv of course, and also at Fort Minor’s concert Feb last year!)… JP was very friendly. And guess what, I was trying to gather my guts to ask him to take a pic with me all day! (>_<) I did it!

After that, there was the event by TM… Blue Hyppo mascot appeared too. Dina from Malaysian Idol 1 performed 3 Christina Aguilera’s songs. Man, I really liked her tone of voice! (Frankly, I rooted for her instead of Jaclyn…) Later, it was the second round of Deal Or No Deal game. I was glad I didn’t leave yet ’cause this was what made my day! During the first round in the late afternoon, I didn’t dare to go on stage to participate- not even in all other games! In the end, when the host said it would be the third and final round and he would need another 3 contestants, I no longer hesitated (I thought, "Ala, what the heck?! Just do it LPL!) and put up my hand. He picked me- luckily! I went onto the stage with my adrenaline pumping so hard that I was wondering what on earth I just did- I could be humiliating myself in front of hundreds of people! I was really excited when I saw JP sitting at the side of the stage at first till he disappeared. He showed thumbs up to me when he saw me on stage, it was weird, it was as if JP and I were close friends… =p The host, Mr.Goh Wee Ping asked the first question, I just put up my hand to answer and it was easy-peesy k, I really watched the show! Then only I spotted JP sitting down in front of the stage- talk about moral support at its best! =) Again, I got to answer the second question and ta-da… I was able to proceed to play the game. I saw my step sis recording me and I felt so much more confident when the audiences clapped. I had this instinct that I would win the highest amount- RM100… The host said himself that so far, since Saturday 14/07/07, no one had walked away with RM100. He invited the 5 beauties on stage and boy, did I feel small (U know, the beauties were tall and pretty)! I picked briefcase no.1… Then, I first opened briefcase no.3, the amount was RM1 and everyone cheered! The host said, "Let me tell u something. A woman’s instinct can be quite scary sometimes. So far, in the previous games, briefcase no.1 contained mostly the lowest amount, RM1. But this time, Pauline chose no.1. Hmm, interesting…" Heh, lagi la I felt like my instinct was getting stronger! Not to boast, but I’m quite intuitive u know?! My intuitions are hardly wrong! Plus, I had complete faith in the Almighty GOD! =p Well, the banker offered me RM10 to buy my no.1 briefcase. What else? Of course la no deal! Next, I opened no.5 briefcase and it was RM10! I was so happy to hear the loud cheers, it gave me more confident. The host said again, "Hmm, well the banker hates contestants like her…" He meant that I was lucky to open the first two lowest amount. The banker offered RM30, I said, "Absolutely no deal!" (Heheh, cocky me huh?!) The crowd was shouting, "number 4" when the host asked if I should open briefcase no.2 or 4… I chose to open briefcase no.2 and it was RM50… People cheered again. Now it was getting more thrilling! Only two briefcases left, one with RM30 and another, RM100. The banker offered RM50 this time. I looked down, even JP was showing the gesture, no deal. And the crowd also screamed "No deal"… When the host asked for my decision, I answered, "I trust my instinct, so NO DEAL!" People clapped. Now, the most suspense moment, should I open briefcase no.4 or reveal the amount in the briefcase (no.1) I picked earlier? Well, the audience wanted suspense, they shouted number 4 again, so I chose to open no.4 and guess what?! I almost went deaf ’cause the people shouted and cheered when the amount in briefcase no. 4 was RM30!! It meant that I’d won RM100! Oh my gosh, my instinct/hunch/intuition was RIGHT!!! The host shook my hand and I asked if I could take a picture with my winning briefcase… What a dreamy moment!? The funny thing was, I asked for JP’s help to take the pic ’cause my step sis’s hands were trembling (he was just nearby). Like I said, it was strange ’cause it felt as if I was "very friend" with JP… *LOL*

I was really happy that I went on stage in the end! I got my RM100 cash and a goodie bag when I came down the stage. There was another round of Deal Or No Deal after my turn. Hey, I thought he said only three rounds? Anyhow, the contestant also didn’t manage to win RM100. I was the only one who won the highest amount in that two days event in KLCC. How could I not feel delighted? Good that I won ’cause I hadn’t won anything for a long time! (Hmm, perhaps I should really try entering the English version of Deal Or No Deal that would be aired soon on NTV7 once the current Mandarin version ends. But then, the probability to win RM100,000 is one over twenty six (1/26… now who’s talking about Maths? Hehe!) and I need to beat 5 other contestants in the first round to proceed. Much more difficult la! Wow, if only I can win RM100K… Oh well, I can start dreaming now~) The rest of the day was history. Well, the lesson of the day was, I had to learn to trust in my instincts again… Actually, something bad happened not long ago that made me lose faith in believing my own intuitions. So, I guess now I will trust my instincts more than ever! It was totally a great day filled with awesome fun (minus the pain of walking in high-heels ’cause I thought the trip to KLCC would be a very short one- but thankfully I stayed on)… NTV7’s Urban Live will be held at Sunway Pyramid in September and 1 Utama in November… I think I’ll probably be going again! It was the first time I’d seen so many tv stars, celebrities, well-known people in a day! What a tiring day… However, it was all worth it! Most importantly, I’ve overcome my stage-fright phobia! (I think I have to thank my Form 6 PA teacher, Pn. Maizura as she made me do a few presentations in class, and it did help me to conquer my fear slowly!) Amazing! (I even forgot that I was having the monthly thing ’cause no cramp, can u believe it?! *Smiles*) I LOVE U NTV7!! (Oh dear, I do type too much! Oopsie~)

Here are some pictures from the wonderful Sunday @ KLCC: (I should have brought my camera instead of using camera phone!) =p

(Clockwise from top left) Doraemon, JP, Hanson & Me; I was listening to the host’s question; The host, beauty, the winning briefcase & Me; Posing with my RM100 & goodie bag; Dina & Blue Hyppo; My purple Urban Live balloon; Dee & Adibah Noor from Asam Garam; JP & Me (Isn’t he cute?) =)

Hmm… Yesterday (Monday, July 2nd 2007) I went shopping with my friend in Sg.Wang & Times Square (my fave shopping spots)… I needed a retail therapy since I couldn’t buy anything in Mid Valley last week although I went there twice.. Plus, I was completely stressed & what’s a better cure for a girl other than shopping?? I was quite happy with the outcome, except that I bought an off-shoulder top that was too big for me!! It was the 1st time that I bought a free-size top that I couldn’t fit in!! (Lesson no.1: No more buying free-size tops that look rather big if there’s no trying!!) How was I supposed to know it would be THAT big..?? *Sobs* Other than that, I bought a black T-back top, another off-shoulder top in purple, a really low-cut top in brown (I think dad would kill me if I wear it without a tube), 2 normal t-shirts (orangy red & sky blue), my favourite of all- a nice black halter-neck dress (which cost only RM19.90- my lucky day or what??) and (oh, crap!) a pair of cute brownish-beige pump wedges that’s so uncomfy (I wore them after buying & they almost killed my feet!! Pity my little toes.. So not wearing them to go jalan-jalan!!), so I changed back into the shoes I had on before that (Lesson no.2: No more buying pumps!! I wanted peep-toes but couldn’t find nice one!).. Oh, so those were the two things that really frustrated me.. I was also quite disappointed ’cause I couldn’t find a nice affordable cardigan & Charmed DVD sets anywhere (only saw Grey’s Anatomy, Ghost Whisperer, Lost, Desperate Housewives sets).. (Maybe another round of shopping very soon!) Actually, I’m really stressed about continuing my studies or just start working & then study in Open University (for working ppl) later.. So, I thought, whatever my decision is, I still need a new wardrobe.. I could use some new clothes for college (if that’s my final decision) in August.. Barely a month away now~~

Anyway, we ate in Food & Tea Hong Kong.. I had Stir-fried Udon Noodle with Diced Chicken and Sea Coconut with Longan.. The udon noodle was super-delicious!! But a lot of MSG I think.. ‘Cause I got so thirsty after eating it.. Before we called it quits (our shopping journey), my friend wanted to have a cup of Hot Chocolate in Food & Tea HK.. So, I just went along and it turned out that there was no Hot Chocolate on the menu.. She mistaken the Black Beauty (Chocolate) drink for Hot Chocolate.. *LOL* Ended up both of us had Double Happiness (Not bad la, fruit punch + milk).. It tasted like a tropical flavoured yoghurt drink.. =) Here’s the highlight of the day: On our way to the Hang Tuah LRT station, my friend was detained by 3 officers (2 females, 1 in police uniform & one male)… They asked for her I/C, saying she was needed to assist in a rape case investigation.. There were a group of Malay & Indian girls waiting at the side.. I wasn’t detained ’cause I was Chinese (They only wanted Malay & Indian girls).. The funny thing was, my friend looked neither like Malay nor Indian.. She’s of mixed parentage (but she didn’t let me reveal stuff about her on my blog) but seriously she didn’t look like Chinese either.. It was weird that the cops detained her & they were so rude, especially the male.. Kept shouting there when my friend hesitated to hand them her I/C.. Hello, they needed her help right?? Shouldn’t they be a little more polite?? I waited for half an hour at the lrt station after they left with the officers.. I was freaking worried ’cause the cops said it would only take around 15minutes to help them.. However, after 31-long-minutes, my friend & other girls returned from the nearby Pudu jail complex.. My friend filled me in on what happened..

The girls had to act as suspects for an identifying parade.. A rape victim was to identify a girl who helped her (the suspect’s) brother rape the victim.. Well, definitely one experience my friend wouldn’t forget.. If she weren’t detained, I would have reached home earlier, not 10minutes after CSI:NY started airing on NTV7.. And we wouldn’t have to be "sardine" in d commuter.. So packed!! Anyhow, my friend was the one complaining.. She said, if she weren’t the one who wanted to have the hot chocolate which turned out to be something else in the 1st place, she wouldn’t be held by the cops.. (Lesson no.3: Just skip whatever desire for a drink & head home straight away!! +_+) But frankly, I felt bad ’cause I was the one who planned the outing, I was the one who changed the outing to Monday from Tuesday.. *LOL* Whatever it was, it happened.. A brand new experience somehow.. And I didn’t have insomnia last night.. Went to bed right after CSI:Las Vegas ended.. Good for me.. I was so freaking exhausted till I dozed off during some scenes in CSI:Miami.. So much for my Mayhem Monday!! What a day… for a shopaholic!!

P/S: Last Monday, Grace showed me the wedding pictures of one of our workmates, Jenny.. Oh gosh, Jenny looked soooooo different with full make-up & dressed in the wedding gowns!! Hmm, seriously, there’s so much that full make-up can do to change a girl’s looks.. Wonder how I’d look then in my wedding photos.. *Rolling my eyes* If I’d ever get married~~~

By the way, I had been thinking of getting a haircut or not.. But then, lately, some people had been telling me that I look naturally nice with my hair now.. And seriously, to me my hair’s messy & long!! Hmm, so messy is nice huh?? Go figure~~ Well, they have helped me make a decision, and I plan to keep my hair the way it is.. (Maybe just trim an inch off soon!) Perhaps when I’m totally down one day, I might just chop my hair off- get a new style! *LOL*

Well, I went to Mid Valley twice in less than a week.. Monday (with my ex-workmate Grace) & Wednesday (with my lovely girl friends- C-Mei, PL2, LV & Tieng.. WP joined us 4 lunch).. Well, went to watch 200 Pounds Beauty on Monday.. Really had a good laugh until my jaw hurt & I barely touched my popcorn (which I seldom did ’cause my hands gotta be busy digging into d popcorn box but instead I was busy laughing).. It’s a nice movie.. Thanks to my dear friend, Grace.. Or else I wouldn’t watch it ’cause I don’t watch foreign movies in d cinema.. Man, do I love comedies!! That story has a lot of thought-provoking scenes.. And d ending nearly made me cry.. I’m easily touched, haha!! Definitely getting d DVD so I can watch it when I need to laugh.. That day I planned to do retail therapy, but ended up buying nothing.. Argh, why I always can’t find d shoes I like in my size?? Even Grace had a hard time getting shoes in her size.. Tough luck for us that day, I have to say.. Hmm, ended up, Grace bought a lot of stuff but it’s okay.. Take it as I accompanied her.. She bought a shirt for her male friend in Samuel & Kevin, d male sales assistant was so nice, he tried on d shirt for us (’cause Grace wasn’t sure of d right size to buy).. So he volunteered to be d model.. Heheh! That’s what I called good customer service.. Even I myself had to put on & show d jewellery to some customers when I worked in Poh Kong last time..

Since I was gonna go to Mid Valley again on Wed, I thought of visiting Jusco on Wed then since we didn’t have enough time to shop.. Great, Jusco was closed on Wed.. So weird.. Mentang-mentang I wanna go check out if they have nice clothes there.. Cheh~~ So frustrated.. Again, I bought nothing on Wed.. I guess Mid Valley isn’t really my place to shop.. If it were Times Square.. I wouldn’t come home empty-handed for sure.. Well, d six of us had lunch in Chili’s.. There I had Fish & Chips with Chocolate Banana smoothie- my most expensive meal ever so far.. And I couldn’t finish d fries.. *LOL* I felt bad ’cause I’m d type who doesn’t like to waste food.. Lesson no. 1: Must share d food if I’m ever dining in Chili’s or restaurants like that.. Lesson no.2: Don’t ever order lamb ’cause my friends had a hard time cutting d meat.. Adoi~~ All in all, I’m really glad I hung out with my dearest girl friends that day.. We talked & laughed a lot, especially d "gossiping" session at d food court.. Too bad d outing wasn’t complete ’cause PY, GF & PC couldn’t join us.. Nvm, surely there’ll be another chance!! Thanks girls for that wonderful outing!! Hope to do it again very soon.. But no more expensive restaurants k…?? =p

Now I’m looking forward to go shopping (or maybe window shopping) with my other friend next week.. in where else but Times Square & Sg.Wang.. Hope d malls won’t be crowded.. I need to breathe~~ Hopefully I’ll get to find some nice tops.. Maybe a pair of shoes?? Hmm.. and lingerie.. *LOL* Why la d mega sales is on for so long..?? So tempting only.. Wish I have a money-printing machine.. Muahaha~~ (>_<)

Wow… It’s been so long since I left this blog unattended… Anyway, no big deal I guess, I don’t think people really read it anyway… I just post here to let out how I feel, so I don’t keep everything to myself. I quit my job on end of March. Since then, I haven’t been doing anything, just stayed at home. I had to decide on studying or working. I wanted to study, deep inside I really want to make my mom (though she’s no longer here) & dad proud. Besides, dad keeps insisting that a degree is really important in order to have a brighter future. Is that piece of paper so important? There are people who made it in this world without that stupid cert ok? As much as I wanted to study, I couldn’t decide on what course and where to study… I couldn’t make up my mind. I had been avoiding that problem since I was jobless. It would be almost two months now and I knew the fact that I wasn’t making anyone happy with my current situation. But I didn’t want this. I really didn’t. You think it’s so fun to be asked "What are you doing now? Where are you studying? etc" almost all the time and yet I didn’t know how to answer that without being embarrassed? I’d be depressed everytime I think of my uncertain future. What kind of course would provide a better future? I got lost in my own confusions. I had insomnia every night. I cried to sleep every night (or should I say, dawn, since I’d only sleep after 4am?)… But did anyone know that? People were assuming I was fine, I was being a sloth… I soon realised that it was so wrong to hide my misery under a happy face as everyone thought I was fine with the fact that I’m a good-for-nothing at the moment. I AM NOT! How can I prove that? The people whom I thought would understand how I felt, made me even more frustrated and felt like a pathetic failure when they told me hurtful things. I thought one would go through an uncertain phase in one’s life. I think I’m going through it now. What I need now is support, guidance and understanding… not more insults, or anything that could add on my negativity or worsen my already pathetic situation… This must be the hardest soul-searching journey that I’d ever done. Please anyone who reads this, pray for me that I’ll find my way soon, before I go insane! I sincerely thank you for your prayers & support!

I’m really scared I’ll do something stupid soon… All this time ever since my mom’s demise, I’ve felt my life has been rather meaningless. But what keeps me alive is the thought of God and those who have their innocent lives taken away when they deserve to stay on in this world. If it’s anything but stupid, I’d rather give up my life for those poor souls who could have so much ahead for them in their lives. Unlike me, living without a driving force is difficult. If only I have the guts to take the easy way out, I’m sure I would have done it long time ago. The truth is, I’m a coward to end the pain yet reluctant to embrace this life that’s supposed to be wonderful. I’m dwelling on the past that I can’t change and can’t look ahead for what awaits me. Thank God I have the Lord with me, His love gives me strength to live on. I admit I’m still trying to change into a more positive person, but it’s absolutely tough, with all these endles mounting problems. I guess I have to take all the strength I have and make things work for own’s sake. No more self-pity! No more negativity! It’s gonna be a bumpy road ahead, but I must remind myself to look on the bright side now onwards. I am determined this time. May I get all the support I need right now… If I don’t start helping myself, no one can… So, here goes another adventure in my life!

Dear Father in Heaven, please help me to go through all obstacles along my life’s journey and help me make the best out of my life! I must live up to my own words, "Live life to the fullest"! Thank you Lord for all Your guidance and love! Amen.

A friend of mine had a great saying: Failure isn’t the worst thing in the world, the worst thing is not to try!

        Life is short… and unpredictable! Don’t you agree with this statement? Here’s a sad story that made me realised once again, how fragile one’s life can be… One thing’s for sure: DEATH IS THE HARDEST THING TO DEAL WITH!

       13th June 2006… was a very miserable day for my friend (who lived nearby my house), and for me as well… Her father passed away suddenly, because of heart attack… Imagine this: Apparently, he was doing some work using the computer in the office. All of a sudden, he just got up from the chair and collapsed. He barely struggled (he did not even touch his chest like what a person who got heart attack would usually do), just for a few seconds, and died on the spot. It seemed that he had a block for the second time, from the post-mortem report. My friend and her family did not know about the first block incident. This illness was not because of his unhealthy lifestyle or what-so-ever (his cholesterol level was under control), it was inherited from a parent. What a blow wasn’t it? You know someone as a healthy person, but out of nowhere, he just slipped away, forever!

       I was still sleeping when my step mom came into the room and I myself just woke up abruptly (as if it was a sign). She said that our neighbour told her that the father of the Indian girl who’s always with me, had just passed away. Since I was still in a blur after waking up in such an abrupt manner, I just thought I heard wrongly. But step mom repeated what she just said, and kept saying, "Neh, that Indian girl who lives over there wan ah"… I was so caught by surprise, I kept saying no, it couldn’t be her father… And step mom was like, "If you don’t believe, you can ask our neighbour"… I jumped from my double-decker bed and ran towards the living room. My neighbour’s daughter explained everything to me. I was still in shock when my neighbour’s daughter confirmed it was my friend’s father. At that moment, it felt as if my heart was torn in two… Why was I so emotional? This was because, I was closest to my friend’s family compared to my other frens’ family (especially their parents), as I would always go over to her house to have a talk all. Besides, her dad, whom I just call "Uncle", often send us here & there… Step mom told me to go to my friend’s house to see her… I didn’t even dare to go… I thought for a while, and decided that I should give her best friend a call first. When I broke the news to her, she was surprised as well. I mean, come on lah, no one would believe it, it was soooooo sudden! She said she would be at my friend’s house as soon as possible (she was working) & told me to inform a friend (who happened to live nearby my house) ’cause nobody picked up the phone. Again, another shocking response… I asked her if she would want to go over to our friend’s house. So, we went together.

        I was afraid to go because I wouldn’t know what to say when I see her… At least now that I have someone else to go with me. It was a solemn situation at my friend’s house. When I entered her house, I saw her mother, she was crying and both of us were speechless as I held her hand. I could only mutter, "Aunty"… Then, I excused myself to see my friend who was sitting inside. When she saw me, she said in tears, "Lam, how could this happen la? How la now? Nobody is going to support the family (her mom’s a housewife, she & her siblings are still studying). God should see first ma, consider us who are not working la…etc…" Nonetheless, I was speechless. I just kept patting & sweeping her back. I couldn’t search for the right words to say. I knew that she probably wouldn’t even listen to what I would be saying. Her father was the family’s sole breadwinner. I told her, there would be help from Perkeso all… but she was not listening. I totally empathized what she was feeling. When my mom passed away, I was only 14, still way too young & immature to know that it was a big deal, until a few months later. I finally realised that mom was gone for real; she wouldn’t be with me anymore. And now for my friend, she’s just mature enough to know how awful it is to have a loved one leaving us, once & forever… My friends & I had a tough time convincing her that her dad would still be with her, spiritually… I kept telling her that I always feel my mom’s presence around me (It’s true… Whenever I’m being let down by life’s obstacles, I’d turn to God & my mom, I’d tell her my problems as if she was right there beside me. Somehow I know she’s watching over me, other than God…)

        I was still in disbelief that Uncle was gone… even when I saw his body lying in the coffin. I thought to myself, "Come on LPL, we always watch all these scenes with actors in the coffin but we’d comment that we could see the actor’s chest moving caused by breathing. (Setting my eyes on Uncle’s coffin) I’m sure this is not real. Shouldn’t this be the part where I can see his chest moving? No, come on… He’s still alive (Trying hard to convince myself it was all unreal)…" Sadly, it wasn’t one of those scenes in a tv show. Reality hit me hard! How can a person just collapse and die? Even my friend kept asking that… To add salt to injury, it would be Father’s Day on 18th June… I felt extremely bad because on Saturday, June 10th, I was at her house, talking about why I didn’t want to study-"Because I’m not exactly the study type & I feel that life’s short, I don’t wanna force myself to do what I don’t wanna do and that, I don’t wanna spend my life studying only… I have the feeling that I’ll die young (because of what happened to my mom) and so I don’t wanna leave the world one day with regrets that I never have enough time to do what I want, but instead wasted it on studies only"… And I last saw Uncle on that Saturday itself, still managed to pull some jokes with him. I always have in mind, "Live life to the fullest… Live like it’s your last day… Life is short, so play hard"… All these phrases… Great, now I get to prove to my friend is it? That life is short & unpredictable! You never know what will happen next… I just don’t understand… Why are all the good people leaving so early, while all the bad guys are still alive, committing crimes… Think about the harm & hurt that rapists, murderers & robbers bring… How life is unfair, though I still believe everything happens for a reason… Well, God is behind all this and we should never doubt His mighty plans… Just that, my friend & I also felt that what happened was a bad dream and we both wished to wake up from it soon… although we knew, it was real, it happened… I wake up every morning, hoping that it was still June 13th, what happened so far was only a dreadful nightmare, but it wasn’t… I’d be singing silently, "Wake me up, when my nightmare ends"… I just felt so helpless at the funeral… Me being a talkative person, I didn’t even know what to say that time… It was really difficult… How sad it is, to know that I’ll never see that Uncle again… Would anyone please tell me, What’s the true meaning of life? Sighs~~~~~

Moral of my whole story is simple: NEVER TAKE ANYTHING OR ANYONE FOR GRANTED! LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST!

        Ok, one more passage about TRIALS which I really like, very true & thoughtful… It reflects our daily lives… Apparently, many think that, if he/she is a Lord Jesus Christ’s follower, his/her life wouldn’t be as tough as it used to be, or that he/she will only have joy in the days to come. But I can tell you, that kind of thinking is wrong, because God puts us through all these tests so that we’ll be able to gain something from them… I myself have experienced not only His miracles (passing my STPM, winning contests), but His tests (mom’s demise, handphone was stolen, things go wrong) as well. Mostly, a test of faith… Yes, God promises us good times, but all the afflictions are to make us a better person, truthfully… However, He does promise to be there during our hardships. Therefore, we shouldn’t blame God when things go wrong. Satan will always be there to give us a difficult time. So, being a Christian, should we only expect blessings & miracles from God, but not trials? Of course NOT! So, read on to clear your doubts & for a better understanding…

Job 2:7-10 (from New International Version Bible)

        So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and afflicted Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top of his head. Then Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with it as he sat among the ashes.

        His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!"

        He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

        In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

          In the fall of 1982, Deborah Kiley set out with three other young people to deliver the 58-foot yacht Trashman from Maine to Florida. Off the coast of North Carolina, they encountered gale winds and mountainous seas that sank their boat. Enduring 4 grueling days at sea without food or fresh water, the crew clung to life in a rubber dinghy in shark-infested waters. In her book Albatross, Deborah recalls how one of the crew shouted curses at God for their dilemma. Despite her fatigue, Deborah silently recited The Lord’s Prayer and asked God to teach her through this crisis. Later, the same young man drank seawater, became delirious, jumped overboard, and was eaten by sharks. Eventually, the survivors were rescued by a Russian freighter. Each of us responds in different ways to a crisis. Centuries ago, Job was hit by one wave of bad news after another. At one point his wife told him to curse God and die. Job’s response was profound: "Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?" (Job 2:10). The next time a crisis hits, recognize God’s sovereignty and do as Deborah Kiley did–ask God to teach you something through it. -By Dennis Fisher

O Lord, I would not ask You why, These trials come my way, But what there is for me to learn, Of Your great love, I pray. -D.De Haan

"The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." -Job

                                          Taken from Our Daily Bread; May 4, 2006.