My DrEaMviLLe

          Confessions… Confessions… Hmm… Well, personally, LOVE plays an important role in my life. Love from my Saviour, Lord Jesus Christ; my family, mom & dad; lovely friends and basically, love from every person who cares about me. God’s love, is undeniably the greatest love of all. His never-ending unconditional love for us… It’s a wholesome experience, I am anticipating to be reunited with Him, once again! During my darkest hours, I know that God is the only One who will be there for me! Knowing that I have one true Friend always eases the pain that I’m going through… Next on the list of the most amazing love, is my beloved parents… Although mom is no longer with me physically, I can feel her existence next to me, when I cry under my comforter, which is the last gift from her. And dad, a hero whom I’ve never known he is, surprisingly shows that he is an inspiring counsellor who can make me feel that whatever pain or hardships I’m going through, are not that bad, and that I’m not the most unfortunate person in this world. Yes dad, you are right, there is no need to bother what or how others ridicule us, as long as we do what we should do (our responsibilities) and time will tell, who’s right and who’s wrong. Yes, because of an emotional and long conversation with dad (after all these years of lacking proper communication), I found the true way I should live my life. God, together with my parents, had helped me to cope with the ups and downs of life & I realised that there’s still HOPE in life… I hope that we would always continue to encourage, support, help, love and motivate each other. Apart from them, I have a superb circle of friends who have been with me all this while, sharing not only joy, but also sorrow as well… Their endless love gave a whole new meaning to my life. Who doesn’t need friends, right? But the truth is, good, reliable & trustworthy friends are difficult to find; I am so thankful to The Lord that He granted me with so many wonderful friends! Minus the peer pressure, my treasured friends have helped me through good & bad times… What will I do without them? I hope that I can keep the friendship I have with every single one of my buddies. Till death do us part! (For me, that phrase works for friendship too! ^_^ ) Now, mentioning the other kind of LOVE, as it is commonly known, the attraction force between opposite genders… Hmm, so far, (sad to say) I have not experience the beautiful part of it, as I always have my heart broken each time I fall in love. I wished I’d have a commitment with someone, but sadly, it never happened… The first guy: Things did not work out because I was still immature about all this lovey-dovey stuff. The second guy: I have no idea why he attracted me, perhaps his kindred spirit did. However, I was crushed when he had someone else. Third guy (at the moment): It is a Mission Impossible for us to be together… (In deep thoughts) I wonder why some Malaysians are still so sceptical about an inter-racial relationship…? For crying out loud, this is a multi-racial country, hey we are talking about Malaysia here! (Lets out a heavy sigh…) I always question God, "Why I’d meet Mr.Wrongs and the Mr.Right is not for me?", "Why that fate has to fool me, why let me meet HIM when we are not meant to be?", "Why am I always unlucky in this love field?"… Why, why, why? You guys have no idea how pro I am giving advice & helping people solve their love problems… Nevertheless, I am a failure in handling my own issues… I just don’t understand why would a guy choose to runaway & hide, instead of confronting the issue together… I’ve never been that courageous in my whole life until I knew this third guy… I seriously thought HE was THE ONE! But I guess, it’s never meant to be… I still don’t understand, why did I fall for someone who gave up without a fight…? And there’s this one guy whom I think is so my Prince Charming, but yet, I cannot and MUST NOT fall for him, ’cause my intuition tells me that, we are sooooo IMPOSSIBLE, despite how it’s never impossible with God… This is crazy & ridiculous! I don’t have a clue why, but I haven’t given up hope… I’ll continue to wait for my prayers & questions to be answered, even to my last breath… I just wonder, when can I finally let go, when HE has moved on with life…? Somehow, I prefer & rather stay single now… No commitment, no hassle, no heartbreaks… No matter what, I still have GOD, dad & my precious friends! Love… Will I ever have the kind of fairytale love story I’ve always dreamed of? I guess only God knows & time will tell… Anyway, may the Cupid continue to work miracles in all the couples’ lives! True love is once in a lifetime! Don’t miss it, don’t let it be the one thing you regret most in your life~~

To be hurt, to feel lost, to be left out in the dark… To be kicked, when you’re down, to feel like you’ve been pushed around… That’s the start of the chorus of Simple Plan’s Welcome To My Life… I love that song so much, especially the line, "You might think I’m happy, but I’m not gonna be okay"… I used to be a really happy-go-lucky girl, who wouldn’t be bothered by any petty stuff. Sadly, I transformed into a total different person after my mom passed away… I became sensitive, getting emotional easily… No one will ever understand, unless he/she goes through the pain I went through, losing my mom, who was always there for me when I stirred up troubles. She was my pillar of support. I didn’t realise that her demise would bring such a change in my life. I became a pathetic person, always crying (Yeah, to my Convent girlfriends, thanks for tolerating me during my darkest hour!)… I turned over a new leaf once again, when my dearest friend invited me to church. Knowing that the Mighty Lord is there for me, my Father, Creator, and everything, makes me feel like I’m not alone. But I was still a pessimist, until I attended the motivational camp organised by Socso back in Form 5 (Thanks to Dad for forcing me there, I learned that I should never take things for granted!)… A sense of guilt & at the same time, relief, clouded me… Seeing many other unfortunate orphans made me grateful that I still have my Daddy, at least. I tried very hard to be the girl I was, the bubbly girl who was full of laughter. No matter how hard I tried, there were people who didn’t give me the opportunity to prove that I was no longer the annoying cry baby. There were so many hindrances that made me broke down. Thankfully, I didn’t give up completely, so I did my best to show the world the brand new me. Even so, there’s a side effect that just won’t go away. Sensitive. That’s what people call me (sadly)… Believe it or not, I gotta say, I have very serious case of PMS (girls should know about this), I really hate my unstable raging hormones. They’d go crazy every once in a month, causing me to be having rollercoaster moodswings. Anyhow, I did some research on that & already trying to lessen its symptoms… Trust me, you have no idea how awful I feel about this… I wish there’s more I can do about that issue… Oh, why my hormones have to be that way? Other times of the month, I’d stay as cheerful as I could! Oh yeah, people should watch out, not to trigger my sensitive point during PMS season… Yep, I do get mad pretty fast but I’m more of the I-will-forget-everything-the-next-minute type. Still, it depends on what that somebody did. From what I know, God forgives me, I’ll have to forgive & forget as well! (Laughs) Strange but true… I just pray hard that there will be a more effective way to banish that irritating "disease"… Till then, I hope I won’t be hurting the innocent souls out there! (Begging) PLEASE FORGIVE me once I get cranky… That’s just me… and my hormones… Sighs…